From a Woman's Perspective: A Message about Consent

In 2008, I was walking to my apartment at night and a man approached me to ask for directions. I pointed where to go and he grabbed my butt. I said "sorry" and walked away. "Sorry". I did nothing wrong and I apologized to a guy who grabbed my butt, because it is ingrained in me, and in others, to be polite. "Sorry".

Does it matter that I was wearing a short skirt that night? Does it matter that I didn't wear a skirt for a month after that?

Last week on a crowded subway in Beijing at rush hour, someone grabbed my butt. I swatted the hand away. I share these two stories as a person who has encountered unwanted advances. It happens.

With #notallmen all over Twitter, and in light of this recent expose, I wanted to share a bit of my life experience, as well as some musings on the word "no".

For some of us, saying "no" is hard. Even when someone is doing something unwanted, the word "no" might come to mind, but the politeness and preservation of the happy mood might lead us to say everything but "no".

For this reason, it's clear that "no" isn't always a word. In fact, in my life, I've only ever used the word "no" in a physical situation once, despite having been in multiple scenarios where the word "no" would have been useful.

"No" doesn't have to be said. It can be a look of the eye, a turn of the shoulder, a nudge of the hand, a turn of the head; no comes in many colours.

It could be "I don't know" or "I have a boy/girlfriend" or "I'll be late" or "I'm tired" or anything else that isn't a bright smiling yes. All of these are the actions of a person who doesn't want the advance. It could be "sorry". If someone doesn't want to kiss you, they probably don't want to do anything else.

There's a big difference between touching someone who wants it, and touching someone who doesn't.

My Packing List! 6 months in South America

6-months backpacking in Central and South America

My (light) Packing List

Bags:

- 1 MEC 60L travel bag

- 1 small backpack (which can fit in my large travel bag)

- 1 over-the-shoulder purse

Clothes:
- 3 sundresses
- 1 long skirt (which doubles as a tube dress when hiked up and belted)
- 1 pair of leggings
- 1 pair of jean shorts
- 3 short sleeve shirts
- 1 long sleeve shirt
- 2 bikinis
- 3 pairs of socks
- 1 bra
- 5 pairs of underwear
- 1 sunhat

Shoes:
- 1 pair of Blundstone boots
- 1 pair of flipflops
- 1 pair of Birkenstocks
- 1 pair of cute flats

Gear:
- Acer Notebook
- iPhone 4s + charger + earphones
- 4 cameras (GoPro Hero, Canon ELPH 300, Canon F4000, toy film camera)
- extra batteries + chargers
- 6 memory cards of different sizes

Toiletries:
- shampoo + conditioner (small bottles)
- face wash + lotion
- toothbrush + toothpaste
- tweezers + nail clippers (which double as scissors)
- makeup
- hairbrush + hair clips + elastics
- razor + extra blades

Practicalities:
- passport (and photocopy of passport photo page)
- 2 credit cards
- around USD $100 in cash
- guidebook
- compass
- camera stand
- extra passport photos (for visas)
- 1 quick-dry travel towel
- 1 silk sleepsack (which I only used once)

Medicines:
- chewable Pepto Bismul tablets
- motion sickness pills
- Acetazolamide tablets for altitude sickness (Diamox) 

Extras:
- red nail polish
- jewelry

Stuff I needed to buy while travelling:
- rain jacket
- sunscreen
- bug spray
- warm alpaca sweater

On this trip, I tried to pack light, and bring only the things that I would use at least once a week. I didn't bring any pants, and used my leggings as a substitute for pants (which actually worked out well). At times, I wished I had more variety in my clothing, as it got a little boring to wear the same clothes every single day. I went shopping a few times, and bought a few extra sundresses to add to my minimal wardrobe.

Overall, I would recommend a light backpack, as you naturally acquire lots of little extra things while you travel. Having a light bag allows you to pick up things as you go, without your bag getting too heavy. That being said, after I bought a giant painting in Cartagena, and then a huge poncho in the Otavalo market in Ecuador, my backpack got too full and too heavy to carry comfortably for long distances. At that point, I took those items out of my bag and mailed them home to Canada in a box through the post. It was easy, and not very expensive, either. I felt like a new person when I put my backpack on without those heavy items in it!

Are you a light packer like me?

Or do you like to pack for precaution and carry lots of stuff with you?

5 Real Tips for Travelling in South America

Tortuga Bay, Galapagos Islands, Ecuador

1. Be scared, but not too scared

There were some cities where I didn't go out past 9pm for fear of what lurks in the dark. There were hostels with signs up warning of thefts on the hostel grounds. There were travellers with stories of being held up at knife-point in the mornings, and even being mugged with a screwdriver. And more than one story of over-friendly locals turning sour. There were a few taxi rides where it occurred to me that the taxi driver could be taking me anywhere, down any alley way, and could hold me up and take everything. There were even a few times when I took the memory card out of my camera and shoved it in my pocket, to save my photos in case someone stole my purse. There were dangers, there were fears, and there were moments when I really didn't know if everything was okay. Being a little bit scared helped me stay safe, make wise decisions, and keep my guard up when I needed it.

Lake Titicaca, Peruvian/Bolivian border

2. Go with someone

Travelling with my friend helped a lot, as our two brains together worked well to keep us aware and safe, and paying attention to the things around us. She and I both had moments of being scared, and usually the other could logically calm down the situation.

We met a lot of couples on this trip, and met far few solo travellers in South America than we had met in Southeast Asia or Europe. We both experienced a few weeks of solo time in South America, and agreed that it was safer and much more fun to travel South America with a friend.

La Paz, Bolivia

3. Buy everything

Alpaca sweaters, blankets, scarves, musical instruments, coffee, handmade necklaces, shoes, teacups, ponchos, pillow cases, friendship bracelets, jackets, toys, statues...

Cusco, Peru

4. Trust your instincts

When I arrived by night bus in Buenos Aires by myself early in the morning, I planned on taking a taxi into the city centre. I walked around and checked out my options for "secure taxis" (a safe taxi service company), and also checked out the normal taxi area. When I came outside, a man greeted me and asked "taxi?" and I said yes. I then noticed a row of taxis ready to go, and the man shook his arm no, and told me that all those taxi drivers were on their coffee breaks. I then thanked him and went inside to get a secure taxi.

Why did I do that?

Because, if something seems too outlandish to be true, it probably is. [Were ALL those taxi drivers really taking their coffee breaks at the same time, making the man talking to me the ONLY available taxi driver? I think not.] When strangers come up to talk to you or offer you things, evaluate their behaviour, and listen to your gut if you get a bad feeling. I listened to my instincts on this trip, and more than a few times I'm certain it saved me from a potentially bad situation.

Pichilemu, Chile

5. Go to South America now

Peru has been a hotspot for South American travel for decades, and in high season up to 5,000 visitors might see Machu Picchu in a day. Colombia, however, is still not too touristic, and neither is Bolivia (beyond La Paz and the Uyuni desert). These two countries will become more popular as more people visit, and they too will become more established stops on the South America gringo trail. And Ecuador? Who knows if tourists will continue to be allowed to visit the Galapagos islands in large numbers. If you go now, you can still feel the warmth of Colombian hospitality, see the magic of people walking in traditional hats and clothes in La Paz, and come face to face with the wildlife of the Galapagos. And yes, Peru is touristy, but it's so beautiful you wouldn't want to miss it.

If you're reading this, you've already got some interest in South America, so why not make 2013 the year to see the Andes in real life?

seven tips for living alone

"being alone is very difficult." -Yoko Ono

i like yoko, like a lot, but on this, we disagree.

i have been living on my own on and off for the past 7 years, and it has recently come to my attention that living alone doesn't come naturally to some people. in the spirit of sharing experience and knowledge, and having coped with the difficulties of starting a life as a person living alone - my adjustment included eating french toast for every meal - i've compiled a list of my seven greatest tips for what will surely be a changing experience for anyone.

so here it is, expatkerri's seven tips for living alone.

1. get alone: when you first move into your new apartment alone, it can be very tempting to fill up your schedule with dinner plans and outings. such is life, especially in a big city offering live concerts and book clubs every night. however, part of the joy of living alone is that you have a place to go and do your thing without anyone bothering you, anytime you want. if you start to think of being alone at home as being somewhere, with someone (that person is you), you'll think of home as less of a last resort and more of a haven. With a little time, you'll soon look forward to being alone in your home.

2. get a hobby: at first, your newfound free time and personal space can be overwhelming. you might have many projects in mind that you want to start, but feel incapable of starting any of them for their sheer vastness. for this reason, picking one hobby to work on initially will help you narrow in on one task, and develop a sense of accomplishment for your time at home. expatkerri recommends knitting scarves for friends, starting a journal (of any kind), choosing an ethnicity of food to master, and video-blogging.

3. get tidy: there is nothing worse than living alone in a mess. not only is it unhygienic and unpleasant, it's also very hard to remedy the problem after it begins since there's no one on your tail to clean up. laundry piles can build up for months, and the good intentions with which you brought out the vacuum get covered in dust. you want to feel good when you come home, and that good feeling comes from having a good space to live in. the solution is just to do a 5-minute clean-up every day: wash dishes immediately after you use them. put clothes that need to be washed directly into the washing machine, and clothes that are still clean should go back in the closet right away. keep the bathroom clean and wash it before it's visibly dirty (once a week). you'll be surprised how little effort it takes to keep your apartment tidy and ready for guests.

4. get rid of your tv: since i moved out of my parents house at 17, i've had countless apartments in countless cities, all of them without tvs. i am absolutely of the belief that tv rots your brain, and living alone only makes you more likely to develop tv addiction and create poor sleeping habits. instead of exposing yourself to endless ads for prescriptions and remedies for diseases invented for profit, why not try reading the books you already own?

5. get a favourite radio station: though most people don't even own radios anymore, i still think they're a great item to have when you live alone. if you use it as your morning alarm, you'll be informed of the day's weather, and keep up with the news since there are no roommates to let you know when something big has happened. it's also nice to just have a voice in your apartment while cooking or emailing. here in korea i don't have my own radio, so i use online radio instead.

6. get creative: making meals for one can make you a lot more experimental in the kitchen, (because you'll soon tire of your old reliable meals like spaghetti and baked potatoes). don't get caught in the "i'm free so i can eat french toast for dinner every night" spell, since all those carbs will just end up making you sad. you'll feel a lot better physically and mentally after preparing yourself a little homemade pesto. i recommend heading over to veggiebelly for her super simple and delicious recipes, and freeze the extra portions to make a few days' dinners in one go.

7.  get ready: now that you're settled into your new clean apartment and experimenting with new recipes, the time will come when you want to entertain. just because you live alone doesn't mean you only need one spoon, one fork and one knife (i learned this the hard/embarrassing way when my guests ended up eating soup right out of the pot). set yourself up with a pair of wine glasses and cups of different sizes, as well as bowls and enough cutlery for a few good friends.

if you're still not convinced about being alone, watch this beautiful video and try some of her tips. especially the one about going to the movies alone.

let me be the first to welcome you to your wonderful new home for you and your mind. happy alone time :)

share you other tips for being alone as a twitter post here!