Atypically on Machu Picchu

My life is here now, in this hostel in this city, or on this bus, staring out this window.

This past weekend, my life brought me to a place that has been drawing me to South America for years... the magical mountains and ruins of Machu Picchu. My experience at Machu Picchu was more enlightening and less touristic than I might have previously expected, though.

Hiking up a mountain without words, with wind, and breath, and panoramic views of the valleys below leads the mind to places not easily reached when among the throws of daily living. I began contemplating my place in the world, the things I have done, the things I want, and the things I need in my life, as well as the people in it.

I've now ended a relationship with the man who has been closest to me for the last nine months. Sometimes, the road makes life so viceral, and so immediate, that holding on to a love from home becomes too difficult, too trying.

When sitting above the ruins of Machu Picchu, looking down over the mountains below, we were greeted with a beautiful sight. The ruins were visible to us, and within a moment would be hidden behind a layer of clouds blown in. In another moment, the clouds would lift, and the ruins would be visible again. Am I not like the ruins, and the people in my life not like the clouds, passing through? Some clouds linger and stay in our view, while others move past to greet the next mountain tops.

Physically exhausted, and philosophically dazed, I leave Peru in three days. I hope to enter Bolivia with a renewed sense of purpose and determination, knowing that I have followed my intuition.

Even though travel is often sold as an escape from real life, it can also offer a startling perspective on your own life, which is invisible to you when you're in the middle of living it.

For this new perspective on my own reality, travel, I thank you.

On Love, Facebook, and "The One"

How do you know when you've found the one?

Is it like some people say, those lucky ones who say "you just know"? Is it some kind of planetary alignment which wills two people's hearts to cross and never part? Is there a way to know when you've met the person with whom you can share the rest of your life?


When I log into Facebook now, nearly at age 28, I am greeted by photos of babies first rolls, wedding reception dances, and status changes to "engaged" or better yet "married". People with whom I once shared math class and milkshakes are now buying houses and patio furniture.


Perhaps stranger and more disturbing than all the cake photos and ultrasound profile pictures are the ones of our exes. We all have them, and we all do the same thing once and a while, even though it never feels right. Facebook has permitted us access to information, photos, and emotional stresses that we really have no business knowing about. It's never a good idea, but when it's made so easy, it's hard to resist a simple click.


Though that person and you have personal history, what brought you together in your time doesn't matter anymore. You exist as each other's history. Knowing this, is it any harder to know for certain whether the next person for whom your heart jumps will be there in 2, 5, 10, or even 20 years?


When we do find the next someone with whom we develop a relationship, is it with the passing of time that the person becomes "the one"? Or is it that at a certain age, we stay with whoever we find ourselves with? Is the commitment to marry a natural progression, the next logical step for two people of marrying age? Are the relationships around me people who met at the right time, when both people were ready to commit to a future?


What I'm also curious about is how friends of mine, classmates, co-workers and other acquaintances are finding their "one". Do they really know they've found it? Or does part of everyone still wonder if there might be someone else out there with whom they could be star-crossed? With whom white paint chips and car seat models have no bearings? With whom time stands still, and the world ceases to exist?


Does such a love exist outside of films and love songs? Are all the Facebook wedding albums actually proof of soulmates, proof of destiny, and proof of the real, true, mad love I believe in?


Of my single friends, and those with boyfriends too, many face the same dilemma: How will I know when I've found him?


I'm wondering the same thing lately, too.

Boyfriend Blues

Cahuita, Costa Rica

Being on the road is one of the best feelings I know. It frees me, it moves me, and it deepens my life.

But this time, being on the road also breaks my heart a little.

I left behind my boyfriend to travel my heart out. We're still together, and we keep in touch everyday... but the more days we spend apart, the more we discuss our future together.

When I left Korea recently to begin this crazy adventure, I decided certainly that I would return to Korea to find a job in Seoul upon completing this trip. I still consider Korea to be my home, and even here in central America I often long for the daily life that I lead there.

However, since I left Korea, the other half of my relationship has deepened his own future plans. He wants to move to Tokyo.

He says working life in Korea requires long hours without significant pay, and he feels daily living in Japan will be more comfortable. He wants to work and build the savings to make his future ambitions a reality. I respect him, and I understand why he says Korea can be a difficult place to live.

The allure of Japan is strong to me, as there are many similar cultural elements to Korean culture. But when I really think about it, I'm not ready to leave Korea.

I love a man who I fell in love with in Korea who does not want to live in Korea. What am I to do?

Part of me jumps at the thought of living in Tokyo, the bright neon familiar to me now. The crowded subways excite me, as does the lure of language. Japanese is on my list of languages to learn, and I have a few friends who would help me settle in. Tokyo would be good to me.

However, I've now spent more of my twenties in Korea than anywhere else. I feel so comfortable and confident in Korea now that I can't imagine moving to Tokyo and starting all over again.

It's a confusing time, only made more intangible by the distance between us.

I can only put trust in myself, in him, and in the road that we travel together.

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my philosophy on love

i believe any man could be the right man for me, at any given moment in my life. i also believe that people come into our lives for a reason, be it to teach us something, to help us through something, or to just enjoy the great times together.

in all of my past relationships, something hasn't quite been in line to keep us in love for the long run. accordingly, i have spent a lot of time looking back on what i consider my most successful relationships. i examine which parts of the relationship were fully satisfying for me, and which parts could have been improved.

now at 27, i think i've finally got a theory that seems to hold water for me, as well my friends who i've explained it to.

love has three elements: mind love, heart love, and sex love: for lasting love, all three of these elements must be in line.

first, mind love. mind love is having stimulating conversations, and being able to make each other laugh. it also means being able to understand each other, and be patient when things aren't alright. mind love is the insatiable adoration that you have for your partner's brain. you want to hear that person's thoughts, and you enjoy the way the express themself. of course, your partner should also be as interested and crazy about the way you think, which gives you the energy for those amazing into the night conversations that just make life feel so worth it. think before sunrise.

next comes heart love. heart love is missing your partner, and the happiness and enjoyment that comes simply from being near that person. wanting to spend more time with them, having a hard time saying goodbye, and staring at your partner's photos are all signs of heart love. it's also that feeling inside you when you hear those three magic words. heart love can lead us to do silly things, like midnight drives in the rain, and it's probably what romeo and juliet were feeling when they snuck away together.

now we come to sex love. sex love shows itself after a long day out in the world, coming home and embracing as soon as the door is closed. sex love is the throw down, the i-need-you-now, the groceries-in-hand kisses. the passion, when you stare at your partner and just admire the little idiosyncrasies that make them yours. when the hedonists in you both find paradise in one another's arms, and never feel it is enough. sex love is exclusive, primal, and absolutely worth losing sleep over.

so what happens when one of these loves is out of line? the relationship is so close to perfect, but part of you is left a little unsatisfied.

if mind love is out of line, you might end up fighting where understanding is needed, or resenting the logic of your partner's decisions.

if heart love is out of line, someone might be too busy to make the "goodnight" call, or you might start wondering if your partner still has feelings for a former fling.

if sex love is out of line, your once passionate kisses could turn into pecks.

i realize this is a grand simplification of relationships, and that there will be many people who could disagree with my three concepts. However, when I look back on my own life, I see relationships which start out with two loves strong enough to overpower the missing link. As time goes on, though, the third missing love starts to show itself, and by the end of the relationship, it comes to overshadow the other two loves.

i like to think of them as the chakras of love, three glowing hot spots that everyone has in them.

it just takes the right person to light them all up.