the un-language of love

we all imagine the relationships of our future.

we have an idea of our ideal type, and we know well the accents that make us melt. as travelers, we know we open ourselves to a world of atypical relationships. relationships which cross borders and cultures and oceans and races and continents, relationships which bring us a new awareness of the world. relationships which make us feel so alive we feel it in our cheeks and fingertips, feeling so very present with the feeling of new love. we know we will encounter novel situations where we don't know what to do because we've never thought about it. we find ourselves job hunting and considering settling in a country which we might not have thought twice about before meeting that one person who changes everything.

for me, that person is someone who doesn't speak english.
 

now that i've met him, the question comes to me: can i build a lasting relationship a person who doesn't share my native language?

one part of me quickly says no. it's impossible for him to meet my family and communicate with them, and it's hard when i want to introduce him to my friends. sometimes i feel i'll never really truly be able to understand everything he says, and for that reason i might miss out on parts of his personality and opinions. part of me says no.

but the other part of me, the more dominant part of me, the heart of me, it says yes. it's possible to understand each other, and our language barriers force us to communicate patiently together. this patience in conversation then leads to deeper understanding and trust between us. a person's heart is felt not through the words they use but how they communicate them. 

part of me says no, heart of me says yes.

Guest Post: How we are Learning Korean

Realizing we're both navigating the same territory, I've invited Tom from waegook-tom to share insight into the mulitple ways he's been learning Korean over the past 3 years. I'm proud to share this insightful and informative post with all of you! Tell us all your secrets, Tom... 

It’s common courtesy that when you go to a foreign country on vacation, you pick up a few basics of the language. Hello, thank you, good bye, it’s delicious. Standard fare that’ll get you a few smiles from the locals, maybe an impressed gasp or two.

What about when you’re moving to a foreign country? It helps to know more than a few phrases in the local lingo and if we strain hard enough, most of us can probably remember at least a few basics in Spanish, French or German from secondary school.

But, what if you’re moving to a country where the language isn’t taught in schools in your home country? That’s an issue facing the growing number of expats moving abroad to teach English in ESL Asian hotspots such as South Korea, China, Japan and Thailand.

Whilst I can’t speak for the latter three countries and the ease – or lack thereof – of learning their mother tongues, I can offer you up some advice on Korean. You may well need it, too – Korean is one of the hardest languages in the world for people with English as their first language to learn.

So, you may ask, who on earth am I to give you advice on learning Korean? Granted, I’m not fluent. I’ve been living in Korea for almost three years now, but I’ve only been studying the language at more than a moderate output of effort since December 2010. At that point, the grammar I knew amounted to zero, and my vocabulary consisted of less than a thousand words.

Many of those words were inappropriate things that I’d gleaned from my elementary school students.

Four months later, in April 2011, I took the TOPIK (Test of Proficiency in Korean) and passed at a level 2 – upper beginner. Not bad considering I’d only been studying properly for a third of a year.

I’m pretty sure you won’t come across the word “술고래” in any government Korean tests.

Am I fluent in Korean? You’re right to wonder. No, I’m not. Right now, I’m studying in order to take the intermediate test and obtain a level four.

My purpose here isn’t to teach you Korean, but rather to guide you towards places and resources that will help you improve your language skills. Let me guide you, friend…

Talk To Me In Korean

Without a doubt, the best resource online for Korean learners at a beginner and intermediate level is the Talk To Me In Korean website, or TTMIK as it’s more commonly known. Run by polyglot Sun Hyunwoo and a few regular contributors, the site is a fun, user-friendly base for those wishing to learn the language.

You can start off at the very bottom – with the alphabet – and work your way up through the grammar lessons, which start with the basics and progressively get harder in difficulty. For intermediate learners, the site has a series of “Iyagi” – conversations between native Korean speakers on a variety of interesting topics.

I still visit the site on a regular basis – there’s always something new to learn. TTMIK’s sister site, Haru Korean, is also a great site where you can practice writing Korean and get feedback and corrections from native Korean speakers.

I have notebooks scrawled with stuff that I’ve learned from the site, even forming my own dirty sentences which shall remain secret.

Quizlet

Every language learner should have a good vocabulary book and be referring to it regularly in order to memorise new words. I mean, there’s no point knowing a whole bunch of grammar but only knowing a handful of words to form sentences with, right?

The problem a lot of foreign language users have with vocabulary is retention. You can sit and memorize words, but if you’re not using them in speaking or writing, it’s very easy for them to slip out of your memory.

This is where Quizlet comes in. Quizlet is an online resource that helps language learners make their own online flashcards. You can create your own cards, or search for ones that other users have already created. They have a smartphone app that you can download, too.

Being productive on Quizlet. Or not judging from the other open tabs.

In preparing for the TOPIK Intermediate test, I’ve been using Quizlet a lot. In addition to the flashcard feature on the site, they also have a few fun games and an audio option so that you can hear how the word sounds. For any intermediate learners, my username on the site is waegooktom – feel free to browse my sets. The site is absolutely free, so no worries about paying to download anything.

Language Exchanges

If you’re in Korea, or in a city that has a large Korean population – hello London, Los Angeles, Toronto – then you can benefit from language exchanges. If you’ve never heard of it before, the concept is as simple as it sounds. Practice speaking in another language and make new friends while you’re at it. Check Facebook for local groups and ask for information about local language exchanges. If there isn’t one available, then be brave and consider setting one up yourself. All you need is a coffee shop and someone willing to talk!

You may well make a good friend out of a language exchange – someone you can hang out with regularly, and maybe go out for a few drinks with. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and this is true of speaking a foreign language. I got a dear friend of mine who spoke zero Korean into bed with a Korean Olympic boxer after a few shots of soju when I decided to approach the guy after my friend kept gushing over how cute he was. 

New friends at a Daejeon language exchange that I haven’t pimped out…yet.

I can’t guarantee that I can do the same for you, however – nor do I recommend alcohol as an active part of any language learning process. You know, with the whole “kills brain cells” effect that the tipsy liquid has and all.

If you don’t have the ability to attend a language exchange physically, then try one online by joining a site like Interpals. The site connects people across the world as e-pals, with a large number of users looking for language exchange. If you feel comfortable enough with someone, you could have a cyber language exchange via Skype. Remember, with online personal sites, never reveal any information such as your address or financial details – stay smart, and have fun!

You don’t want your credit card information floating away into cyberspace.

Shimmy On Down

I’m a visual learner – if I see a word written down, I remember it – and I’m pretty lucky in that sense. I’m most definitely not, however, an aural learner – somebody who learns through sound. One of my closest friends, Gina, is an aural learner and picks up Korean through dramas and music. Whilst I’m pretty good with grammar and vocabulary, Gina’s pronunciation is impeccable and Korean people have no problem understanding her. Ever.

K-Pop is becoming pretty popular globally now, and there are countless videos of today’s K-Pop artists on Youtube for the world to see. Many of these come complete with Korean subtitles, English subtitles, and “Romanji” – the Korean pronunciation written in English.

See where it says 야동 비평? What I lack in natural speaking ability I apparently make up for in my ability to criticise erotic movies.

My own personal thoughts on Romanji are that it’s pretty useless – sometimes the translation is OK, other times it’s bad. There’s no official way of doing Romanji, so unless someone understands all of Korea’s pronunciation quirks and rules (there are a lot), the quality can vary wildly.

Back to the main idea though – K-Pop music videos (and dramas) with appropriate subtitles are a great way to learn if you’re not really a visual learner. Check out this latest video from the super funked-up Ulala Session if you want to see what I’m talking about.

Fighting!

Learning Korean and approaching anywhere near a level that allows you to have full, uninterrupted conversations with a Korean person requires a whole lot of dedication on the part of the learner. I’m nowhere near there yet, even as an intermediate learner – I need to tweak my listening skills and hone in on my pronunciation. Some people have a natural talent for it, whilst others have to work a lot harder – and hard work is the key here.

So don’t give up, try out the resources and tips for learning that I’ve mentioned here, and as they say here in Korea, “FIGHTING!” 화이팅!

Tom has been living in Korea since 2009, first in Daegu, and now in Daejeon. He blogs over at Waegook-Tom.com and enjoys exploring Korea and it’s many quirks, and shovelling a rather alarming amount of Korean food down his craw (yet he laments the lack of decent cheese). Tom will be going round the world in 2013, and you can keep up with him and his adventures by following @waegook_tom on Twitter.

All photos and words are Tom's, and were used with permission.

seven tips for living alone

"being alone is very difficult." -Yoko Ono

i like yoko, like a lot, but on this, we disagree.

i have been living on my own on and off for the past 7 years, and it has recently come to my attention that living alone doesn't come naturally to some people. in the spirit of sharing experience and knowledge, and having coped with the difficulties of starting a life as a person living alone - my adjustment included eating french toast for every meal - i've compiled a list of my seven greatest tips for what will surely be a changing experience for anyone.

so here it is, expatkerri's seven tips for living alone.

1. get alone: when you first move into your new apartment alone, it can be very tempting to fill up your schedule with dinner plans and outings. such is life, especially in a big city offering live concerts and book clubs every night. however, part of the joy of living alone is that you have a place to go and do your thing without anyone bothering you, anytime you want. if you start to think of being alone at home as being somewhere, with someone (that person is you), you'll think of home as less of a last resort and more of a haven. With a little time, you'll soon look forward to being alone in your home.

2. get a hobby: at first, your newfound free time and personal space can be overwhelming. you might have many projects in mind that you want to start, but feel incapable of starting any of them for their sheer vastness. for this reason, picking one hobby to work on initially will help you narrow in on one task, and develop a sense of accomplishment for your time at home. expatkerri recommends knitting scarves for friends, starting a journal (of any kind), choosing an ethnicity of food to master, and video-blogging.

3. get tidy: there is nothing worse than living alone in a mess. not only is it unhygienic and unpleasant, it's also very hard to remedy the problem after it begins since there's no one on your tail to clean up. laundry piles can build up for months, and the good intentions with which you brought out the vacuum get covered in dust. you want to feel good when you come home, and that good feeling comes from having a good space to live in. the solution is just to do a 5-minute clean-up every day: wash dishes immediately after you use them. put clothes that need to be washed directly into the washing machine, and clothes that are still clean should go back in the closet right away. keep the bathroom clean and wash it before it's visibly dirty (once a week). you'll be surprised how little effort it takes to keep your apartment tidy and ready for guests.

4. get rid of your tv: since i moved out of my parents house at 17, i've had countless apartments in countless cities, all of them without tvs. i am absolutely of the belief that tv rots your brain, and living alone only makes you more likely to develop tv addiction and create poor sleeping habits. instead of exposing yourself to endless ads for prescriptions and remedies for diseases invented for profit, why not try reading the books you already own?

5. get a favourite radio station: though most people don't even own radios anymore, i still think they're a great item to have when you live alone. if you use it as your morning alarm, you'll be informed of the day's weather, and keep up with the news since there are no roommates to let you know when something big has happened. it's also nice to just have a voice in your apartment while cooking or emailing. here in korea i don't have my own radio, so i use online radio instead.

6. get creative: making meals for one can make you a lot more experimental in the kitchen, (because you'll soon tire of your old reliable meals like spaghetti and baked potatoes). don't get caught in the "i'm free so i can eat french toast for dinner every night" spell, since all those carbs will just end up making you sad. you'll feel a lot better physically and mentally after preparing yourself a little homemade pesto. i recommend heading over to veggiebelly for her super simple and delicious recipes, and freeze the extra portions to make a few days' dinners in one go.

7.  get ready: now that you're settled into your new clean apartment and experimenting with new recipes, the time will come when you want to entertain. just because you live alone doesn't mean you only need one spoon, one fork and one knife (i learned this the hard/embarrassing way when my guests ended up eating soup right out of the pot). set yourself up with a pair of wine glasses and cups of different sizes, as well as bowls and enough cutlery for a few good friends.

if you're still not convinced about being alone, watch this beautiful video and try some of her tips. especially the one about going to the movies alone.

let me be the first to welcome you to your wonderful new home for you and your mind. happy alone time :)

share you other tips for being alone as a twitter post here!

trip of a lifetime plan

in early july, i'll be setting out on the trip of a lifetime with my travel partner brenna. we've already had several eye-opening trips together, but this one will be completely different.

we've been in romania, bulgaria, turkey, japan, korea, thailand, and burma together as travelers.

our other trips together have been limited by time, since we'd both had jobs and obligations.

our other trips had clear beginnings and ends, since we'd be expected to show up for work upon returning.

our other trips were less than a month each, so we didn't have much time to stay longer in locations that we liked.

the next trip that we embark on will be totally different than the others, since neither of us have jobs to return to or plane tickets home. since neither of us have any obligations bringing us back to any point in the world at any given time in the near future. since neither of us want nor need to be at a certain point by a certain date, we are free to start working at a hostel in a city we fancy, or start volunteering somewhere for a while if we want to. this trip is truly the most free either of us have ever been, and that is why we can call it the trip of a lifetime.

also we're going to central and south america, where neither of us have ever been.

i have been actively exploring the shape and quality of my wanderlust since 2006, and only now will i really see the extent of my true capacity to travel and live. and what better way to do that than with my best friend.

it's time to travel.